http://www.smackage.com We bring the smack Wed, 28 Feb 2007 04:08:54 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en Ever since Ben Bernanke was appointed Federal Reserve Board Chairman, you would think that ex-Chairman Alan Greenspan would be too busy practicing his saxophone or having sex with his young wife to warn America about the failures of his successor, but you would be wrong. New Federal Reserve Chairman ... http://www.smackage.com/2007/02/27/alan-greenspan-tells-bernanke-to-suck-it/ Be back in a week or two. In the meantime, discuss how ugly Jessica Biel’s Oscar dress was, how much Pink looks like a man, and how many times Britney will leave and re-enter rehab. In case you haven’t heard about this yet, James Blunt ran over the ... http://www.smackage.com/2007/02/26/hiatus/ A new x-ray machine has debuted in Phoenix’s airport, and it’s for your package, not for your luggage. Anyone who sets off a metal detector will have a choice between getting a pat-down, or getting into an x-ray machine that will allow the screener to see you completely naked. ... http://www.smackage.com/2007/02/23/airport-screeners-see-you-naked/ Shit’s been going down in Italy, where that pansy-ass Prime Minister Romano Prodi couldn’t take the bipartisanship and resigned. Ever since his narrow win against the always jolly, always ridiculous Silvio Berlusconi. Some people in the government want Prodi to revoke his resignation, but the president might call for new ... http://www.smackage.com/2007/02/23/italian-ketchup-prodis-downfall/ For the second time in the past few weeks, Britney Spears checked into rehab and checked out in less than 24 hours. Rumor has it that she shaved her head so that nobody would be able to do drug tests on it. There hasn’t been any news on ... http://www.smackage.com/2007/02/22/britney-in-and-out-of-rehab/ Heather Mills, the possible former prostitute and definite one-legged former wife of ex-Beatle Paul McCartney is joining this season’s Dancing with the Stars. I feel sorry for her celebrity partner, because she sounds like kind of a bitch, and it would suck to have to teach ballroom dancing to ... http://www.smackage.com/2007/02/22/paul-mccartneys-one-legged-ex-wife-to-join-dancing-with-the-stars/ If math were an animal, it would not be the mouse that’s more afraid of you than you are of it. No, math would be the mighty bear, who smells your pathetic fear and eats you alive, because it knows your weakness and will not hesitate to exploit it. ... http://www.smackage.com/2007/02/21/math-can-smell-your-fear/ The president of Gambia claims he’s invented a cure for AIDS, which involves a topical herbal paste, a bitter drink, and a banana. President Yahya Jammeh has told reporters he’s certain that he’s found a cure for AIDS. The World Health Organization issued a statement in response to ... http://www.smackage.com/2007/02/21/president-of-gambia-thinks-hes-a-doctor/ New footage has surfaced, which shows Anna Nicole Smith really, really high while pregnant. Her bad-acting, fake-grieving, gold-digging boyfriend/lawyer was the one filming. Yes, this is terrible and everyone involved seems like a horrible person. However, we should note that Anna Nicole high is not that much ... http://www.smackage.com/2007/02/20/anna-nicole-got-high-when-pregnant/ he widow of a longtime smoker won $79.5 million in punitive damages from Philip Morris, but the Supreme Court threw out the case. “Williams, according to his widow, never gave any credence to the surgeon general’s health warnings about smoking cigarettes because tobacco companies insisted they were safe. Only ... http://www.smackage.com/2007/02/20/smokers-are-too-stupid-to-make-life-decisions/