A new x-ray machine has debuted in Phoenix’s airport, and it’s for your package, not for your luggage. Anyone who sets off a metal detector will have a choice between getting a pat-down, or getting into an x-ray machine that will allow the screener to see you completely naked.
There’s so much wrong with […]

While everyone else was thinking about the war in Iraq and the economy and stuff, Congress sneaked behind our backs and decided to make daylight savings start four weeks earlier from now on. That’s right, we’re gonna spring forward in March instead of April.
What does this mean? Well, it means that […]

No matter how busy Steve Jobs is in turning people people into Apple-following cult members or telling people that stealing music is wrong, the Apple CEO still finds time to infringe copyrights. Cisco systems was shocked last month when Jobs announced the iPhone, because the company has its own line of internet-enabled phones and […]

Cartoon Network launched an innovative marketing campaign for the show Aqua Teen Hunger Force in nine cities, with a blinking electronic character giving the finger to passersby. Cute? Yes! Slightly offensive? Maybe. Retro? Yes! Terrorism? No, dumbass.
The campaign was launched three weeks and received no complaints in eight […]

Britney Spears hasn’t worn panties in several months and probably accidentally ate one of her babies, but it’s time for the world to move on to crises that can be solved. Everyone’s favorite space telescope had a major setback today. After some major power issues, the 16-year-old Hubble Space Telescope lost 2/3 of […]

Contrary to popular belief, the technique of phone-jamming is not just used to rig the results of American Idol. It’s also used by Republicans to rig political elections. A 2002 phone-jamming scheme kept many New Hampshire Democrats from voting, and now it’s been confirmed that the White House was involved:
“The records show that […]

Brian Doyle, a spokesman for the Department of Homeland Security, is a sexual predator who was caught having sexually explicit internet conversations with an undercover cop posing as a 14-year-old girl. In the conversations, Doyle solicited sex from the girl and gave her his real name, title, employer, his office phone number, and his […]

A 36-year-old Pasadena lawyer is suing the matchmaking website eHarmony for discrimination. John Claassen believes his civil rights are being violated because eHarmony only allows unmarried people to join. Claassen’s membership was denied because his divorce hasn’t been finalized.
“There are a lot of people out there in my situation who would like to […]

A QVC caller shocked hosts and delighted viewers when he called in a testimonial. A man identified only as “Randy from Dover, Delaware” called the show to praise his new Dell computer, and said it’s great for watching porn. Randy from Delaware, you’re my hero! This is the risk the home shopping […]

Just like all other D-list celebrities, Joe Rogan (host of Fear Factor) gets fan mail and hate mail. Unlike other D-list celebrities, Joe Rogan maintains his own MySpace account and is so insecure, he feels compelled to personally respond to hate mail. Yes, this is a 38-year-old man with a penis so small […]